"He's not just my client, he's my friend."

Most fitness professional organisations will have a Code of Ethics which includes something like, "the trainer should ensure they do not form a personal relationship which might compromise the professional relationship." What they mean is, "keep it in your pants," but it applies to other kinds of relationships as well. This is difficult because a trainer and client will spend a lot of time with each-other, you the trainer will see the client in vulnerable moments - both failure and success - and clients will generally trust and open up to you in surprising ways. 

Some things for a trainer to think about are below. This is useful for clients as well, of course. 

You can be friends with a client, but there are limits. Essentially you don't want to be a dickhead in front of a client, nor overly familiar. They should not see you drunk and vomiting, or grinding on chicks/guys at the club. If you have problems with your husband or mother, don't talk about them to your client. Especially don't badmouth your colleagues or boss to the client-friend. Any gifts you give to your client-friend should be related to their physical training, like weightlifting shoes, a new set of cricket pads or whatever. 

As a trainer, you'll tend to find that the friendship is rather one-sided and won't last past the training. If they're sick you'll call and see how they are, you'll remember their kid's birthday, that sort of thing. They won't do the same. As well, once the training relationship is over, the friendship will fade away. It's like when you stop working at some place, and your workmates say, "hey, we gotta catch up, let's do lunch sometime." You never will. Take away the common activity and the relationship is dead. They were just friendly, not your friend. 

Since they're your client in your workplace where you spend 20-60 hours a week, they're a big part of your life. But you are only 1/2 to 3 hours a week of their life. They may spend more time each week with Simpsons repeats than they do with you. Outside training, and after the training stops, you'll be well-thought of until you're forgotten shortly afterwards. This is disappointing but there it is, you won't get your fill of social life from the gym, same as any workplace, you need to have a life outside work. 

There are exceptions of course but these are the general rules. 

Steady as she goes

I have a little team of amateur lifters, the other day a 30yo guy said to a 65yo woman as she deadlifted, "I hope I can still do that at your age."

"Keep it up from now and you will," I said, "a lot easier than starting in your 60s." 

Consistency is more important than anything else. Consistency is more difficult than anything else. 

Recently a 21yo lifter was complaining because last week she'd squatted 70kg for her work sets, and the week after I had her do 72.5kg. 

"I can do 75."

"You certainly can. But would you be able to do more next week? And the week after? And so on? Whereas if you do 72.5 today, you'll certainly do more next week, and the week after."

She still didn't like it. "Tortoise and hare," I said, "you know the story?"

"Yeah but you're not a tortoise, you're a fucking snail." 

Interestingly enough, while the first two sets were no problem, as she came to do the third set she started complaining it was heavy and she didn't want to do it.

"First set was easy, second set okay, last set hard. If they were all easy, problem. All hard, problem. But the first was easy, and the last hard. It's almost," I said, "as if I know what I'm doing."
"Bah."

This is part of the job of coaching, helping people stay the course, neither rushing ahead nor lurking behind, keeping them "steady as she goes." 

Lifting weights will make you grow up

What distinguishes a woman from a girl, a man from a boy, an adult from a child is a degree of self-reliance, of resolve, and emotional stability. Obviously all of us need other people, and all of us are volatile from time to time. But basically either a person has their shit together, or they're all over the place. Weight training helps a bit in maturing because it teaches us to survive failure. 

I used to help coach some troubled teenagers, and after pushing them up a hill run until a few of them were crying, I'd stop and tell them a story. Someone I know tried to get into a special military unit, of course he didn't get in. One of the tests was they came and got them in the mess at 0030, "Out on the parade ground in your PT gear at 0100." They got out there, 32km run, "There'll be a truck waiting for you at the other end, be there by 0600." Some time like that. 

Of course there was no truck there, just the course sergeant-major with a Rover, hot boxes and tea urn. "Truck broke down, you have to go back on foot, you have until 1600 this time, an old lady can walk it that fast, if you get there earlier your time is your own." 

Lots of the guys sat down on the spot. "Anyone else? Anyone want to wait for the truck?" A few more guys sat down. The guy was tempted, it'd been more than 24 hours without sleep and he'd never run more than 15km in one go before, let alone two lots of 32km, but he sensed something dodgy was going on. 

Most of them went back on foot, half an hour later the truck came towards them, went past. Half an hour later it came past them again, this time with the guys who'd sat down, jeering at the guys on foot from the back of the truck. Some bloke fell over in pain and was picked up by the medical vehicle. 

Got back that afternoon, the guys from the truck were gone. They'd been binned. The guy who fell over? Still in. 

The first run was a physical test, they had to make it in time. The second run was a mental test - you just had to try. In a conflict, it does happen that you go on a long patrol, are on your way back into base where you'll have your first shower in a week, hot meals, rest... then the radio sparks up and tells you that you'll come back in, resupply and then head back out. They don't mind if you go "fuck!" so long as you do it. It's alright if you're injured and can't do it, they'll look after you, they understand everyone has limits. But they don't want people who say, "No!" and stop. 

The lesson here is: it's alright to fail, it's not alright to give up. 

One of the differences between adults and children is that children give up because they're afraid they'll fail. Adults give it a go anyway. This is one of the reasons physical training is important: it teaches us it's alright to fail, we just get up and give it another go another day. Neil Diamond said, "Girl, you'll be a woman soon." I'm sure he was referring to 20 rep squats.